“How to piss people off”

  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
  7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
  8. Practice making fax and modem noises into the phone when you answer.
  9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
  10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”
  12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  14. Corrolary to 13: click your pen. Constantly.
  15. Yell random numbers while someone is counting.
  16. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
  17. Staple pages in the middle of the page. Or in a bottom corner… feel free to blame it on those “gosh durned electronical stapler machines.”
  18. Publicly investigate just how slowly and loudly you can make a croaking noise.
  19. Honk and wave to strangers.
  20. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  21. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. (see also: CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL)
  22. type only in lowercase.
  23. Use LOTS of exlamation points!!!!!!!!one!!!11!!!!!!1!!!eleven!!!!!!
  24. dont use any punctuation either
  25. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  26. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  27. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  28. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
  29. Ask people what color their eyes are.
  30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  31. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. (careful, you could get arrested)
  32. Sing along at the opera.
  33. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
  34. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
  35. Make sure your iPod earbuds are turned all the way up in a quiet room. Bonus points if it is a classroom and its quiet due to test taking.
  36. Ask the professor if you can have extra credit on the first day of class
  37. Leave typed notes full of giberish printed on orange paper underneath windshield wipers of cars parked on the street
  38. Crunch loudly on hard candy during small group discussions
  39. Drink excessively and then walk back to your dorm from the bus stop, and be “quiet.” Guarantee you are being louder than EVER!
  40. Add something to this list.

(taken mostly from artlung.com)

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